33 Remarkably Stupid Amazon Products—Snarky Reviews and Elaborate Stories
Amazon can be a great place to research a product. It’s home to more reviews on more products than any other website. But it can also be a source of endless entertainment when Amazon.com reviewers decide to get snarky with what they’re writing about a product. Most of the products themselves are amusing enough—either because of what they are or because of where they’re being sold—but the reviews really send it over the top.
Especially notable is George Takei (Sulu on Star Trek; also in the upcoming Broadway musical Allegiance, based on his personal experience of the Japanese-American internment during World War II; and LGBT activist) who is listed as a Top 1000 Amazon reviewer with tens of thousands of customer approval ratings for his faux product reviews.
1. Horse Head Mask
“It didn’t convince my daughter her horse wasn’t dead.”
Here are some customer images:
Tiring of being a mode of transportation, horses have learned to bike.
…and scuba dive?
“The horse was confused and ran away after this picture.”
Eight horses and a unicorn in a board meeting. What a night-mare.
Humans aren’t the only ones who can prosthelytize about the apocalypse.
Here’s the Amazon product page for the creepy horse mask. Creeper.
2. Kleenex Facial Tissue, White (36-pack)
“I almost cut my hand on a sock.”
3. Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme
“The only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen.”
4. The Daddle
“No amount of duct tape would keep the cat attached to the saddle while it was on my husband’s back.”
5. Guardian Angel
Here is a list of its functions from the product description:
- Eliminate Chronic Pain
- Stimulates 344 points of pressure in the hand
- Produces the same benefits of traditional acupuncture without a costly visit to the Dr. or the use of needles
- Relieves fatigue, stress, insomnia
- Promotes organ regeneration
Here’s the Amazon product page for The Holy Grail. Or maybe it’s just Jesus.
6. BIC Cristal “For Her” Ball Pen
“A pen that my lady parts can really identify with.”
7. A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates
Here’s a sample of the text: “98365 82783 48590 58674 61874″
And there’s about 40,000 more of those sequences. Maybe you’re wondering if we actually got that from the book. Well, you’ll have to sift through an exhilarating one million random digits to find out.
“It’s a shame they didn’t sort them.”
Here’s the Amazon product page for some digits. More expensive than a few drinks, but to each their own.